When your ex won't let you see your child (visitation)

Every procedure starts with records. Write down the following by date.

If you keep hearing that the child does not want to come, do not write down only that remark; also record how the child seemed the last time you met. Any gap between the reasons your ex gives for refusing and how the child actually behaves helps the court decide later.

• Messages and call attempts requesting visitation, and the replies or lack of response
• Photos and location records from days you went to the meeting place and the child did not come
• The visitation provisions in the judgment, mediation record or agreement
• Photos and conversations from the last time you saw your child

Showing up unannounced at your ex's home or your child's school gives your ex a pretext for refusing ('the child is anxious'), and in serious cases can even lead to a restraining order. Bombarding your child with direct messages also drags the child into the middle of an adult dispute.

The most common mistake is stopping child support. Visitation (면접교섭) and child support (양육비) are separate obligations, so the moment you stop paying, you become subject to a performance order and sanctions.

Also avoid speaking badly of your ex to the child on visitation days or quizzing the child about life at the other parent's home. It makes the child feel burdened by the visits and gives your ex an excuse to refuse.

If visitation is set in a judgment, ruling or mediation record and is not followed without a valid reason, you can apply to the family court for a performance order (이행명령) (Family Litigation Act (가사소송법) Article 64(1)3). The court summons your ex, hears the circumstances and orders them to let you see the child as set. If visitation was written only in the agreement at a divorce by agreement, that agreement is not a basis for a performance order, so you may first need to obtain a visitation ruling from the family court.

If the performance order is also violated, you can apply for an administrative fine of up to KRW 10 million (Article 67 of the same Act). Unlike child support, there is no detention provision for failure to allow visitation, so the fine is the last sanction at the court stage. That is why, when applying for a performance order, it is a good idea to also ask the court to reset specific dates, times and handover locations that can actually be kept going forward.

Before applying for a performance order, sending a certified letter (내용증명) that restates the set visitation terms and demands compliance leaves a record that you made a formal demand. Sometimes that alone changes the other parent's attitude.

If you keep hearing that the child refuses, start by looking at why. The response differs depending on whether the child feels unfamiliar, finds overnight stays a burden, or actually had an unpleasant experience. The court can restrict visitation or change its method if needed for the child's welfare (Civil Act (민법) Article 837-2(3)).

If you are the custodial parent, do not stop the visits on your own because the child doesn't want to go; keep records of the child's reactions and health and ask the court to change the method. If you are the non-custodial parent, proposing to start again with short daytime visits may actually be faster. Some family courts run spaces and programs that support visitation, so ask the court handling your case.

A request to change the visitation arrangement is filed with the family court by one parent against the other (Rules on Family Litigation (가사소송규칙) Article 99(2)).

If, despite a performance order and a fine, your ex prevents you from seeing your child for a long time, one option is to ask for a change of custodial parent (Civil Act Article 837(5)). However, blocking visitation alone does not immediately lead to a change; you must show that the current arrangement is harmful to the child and that a change would be better for the child.

If your ex took the child and did not bring the child back, you can apply for a performance order for handing over the child (유아인도), and if the child is still not returned within 30 days after a fine is imposed, you can even apply for detention (감치) (Family Litigation Act Article 68(1)2).

At Jisan Law, we use your records to prepare the application for a performance order together with a new visitation arrangement. If it has been a long time since you last saw your child, message us through the chat on this page first.