What to sort out first once you've decided to divorce

Before you bring up divorce, take just a few days to organize things in the order below. The more you do before your spouse notices, the more useful it will be.

• Write down, one line per event and in date order, everything that has happened from when the problems first started until now.
• Make a list of any real estate addresses, each spouse's banks and securities firms, insurance, and your spouse's workplace and length of service. You don't need to know the amounts.
• Back up the KakaoTalk and text messages you received, and recordings of conversations you took part in, in their original form somewhere else.
• If you have children, mark on a calendar who has handled school drop-offs and pick-ups, doctor visits and school meetings, and keep photos.
• If there is violence or threats, getting yourself to safety comes before anything on this list.

Things done while preparing often end up as evidence for the other side later.

In particular, material obtained by secretly opening your spouse's phone is hard to use in a lawsuit and can turn into a criminal matter. It is safer to obtain records in your spouse's name through court procedures after the lawsuit begins.

• Unlocking your spouse's phone or secretly logging into their accounts
• Secretly recording conversations you are not part of
• Criticizing your spouse in front of the children or making the children choose whom to live with
• Leaving home without a word and cutting off living expenses
• Suddenly moving deposits in your name into someone else's name

If your spouse also wants a divorce and there are no major disagreements about assets and the children, a divorce by agreement (협의이혼) saves time and cost. However, in a divorce by agreement the court does not confirm property division (재산분할) or compensation for emotional distress (위자료), so you need to write a separate, careful agreement.

If your spouse refuses to divorce, will not tell you what assets they have, or both of you want to raise the children, you should consider mediation (조정) or a lawsuit. If you tell us in the consultation how far you think you can agree, it is easier to set a direction.

Even if a divorce by agreement seems right, if you are worried your spouse will not pay child support properly or will delay transferring assets, you can also proceed through mediation. Mediation has no cooling-off period, and once it succeeds, the mediation record (조정조서) can be used for compulsory execution of money and child support.

Once divorce comes up, some spouses start moving assets. Even if you do not know the exact amounts, just writing down where things are lets you check them after the lawsuit begins through an asset disclosure order (재산명시) and an asset inquiry (재산조회). Also write down money received from either family at the wedding and the balance in your own account before the marriage.

If you were assaulted, tell the hospital plainly that your spouse hit you and get a medical certificate. Records of 112 (police) reports are also important material. Save KakaoTalk conversations so the context before and after is visible, rather than cropping a single line of abuse, so the other side cannot easily take issue with the context.

If you know your spouse's workplace, their severance pay and pension can later be checked through a fact inquiry (사실조회), and you can also apply for a direct payment order (직접지급명령) to receive child support straight from their wages. Write down at least the name of the workplace and roughly the year they joined.

In a divorce by agreement, you apply to the court together and receive the guidance, go through a cooling-off period (숙려기간) of 3 months if you have minor children or 1 month if not, receive the confirmation, and report the divorce within 3 months, and it is done.

A lawsuit starts with a mediation application or complaint, goes through mediation sessions and, if needed, a family investigation (가사조사) and asset inquiries, and ends in a judgment. The first instance usually takes about 6 months to a year, and many cases end in mediation along the way.

If you plan to sue on the ground of an affair, a divorce cannot be claimed on that ground once 6 months have passed since you learned of the infidelity, or 2 years since it occurred (Civil Act (민법) Article 841), so first write down the date you found out. Property division must be claimed within 2 years of the date of divorce.

At Jisan Law, the managing partner handles consultations personally. If you bring your dated notes and asset list, we will look together, on the spot, at whether agreement or a lawsuit fits and whether a provisional attachment (가압류) should come first. It's fine if you haven't decided yet.

Consultations are available at our main office in Seoul and our branch offices in Incheon, Hongseong and Songpa, and we explain fees after the consultation. If it is hard to set a time, send us a message through the chat on this page first.