When you didn't know they were married

You may feel wronged and want to confront the other person, but first take care of the following.

• Find messages in which the other person said they were single, divorced or separated, and take screenshots with the dates visible.
• Note the day you first met, the day you first learned they were married and the day you ended the relationship.
• Gather signs that made it reasonable to believe they were single, such as a dating app profile, conversations about getting married, or records of plans to meet your parents.
• Don't leave or delete the chat room with the other person; leave it as it is.
• If you have already received the complaint, write on your calendar the date 30 days from the day you received it.

Avoid contacting the other person's spouse first with long messages explaining "I was deceived too." A single phrase you use in the process can be read as a sign you knew. Deleting the whole conversation out of anger at the other person also hurts you, because the records of them saying they were single are in there.

Continuing to meet after finding out is the thing to avoid most. Even if you didn't know at first, liability can be recognized for meetings after you found out.

Also avoid hitting back emotionally at messages from the other person's spouse. Replies containing insults or accusations can be used against you when the amount is set.

Case law does not go so far as to require people to check whether every partner they date has a spouse. So if the other person actively hid the marriage and it was hard to find out, liability for compensation (위자료) may be denied. The court looks at the circumstances at the time rather than what you say now.

The more evidence the better, but evidence that contradicts itself actually does harm. Put it in time order and first check that it is consistent.

• Messages in which they introduced themselves as single or said they were divorced
• Conversations about marriage, living together or meeting each other's families
• Records of meeting freely even on weekends and holidays
• Having visited their home and seen no trace of a family
• Statements from acquaintances who knew you both

If you worked at the same place and could have heard about their family, if their social media had photos of children, or if contact cut off every night or weekend, you are likely to be judged to have been able to know. If you met after hearing "I've filed divorce papers" or "We're separated," whether that was true and whether the marriage had actually broken down are disputed as separate issues. Simply having believed what you were told is often not enough.

The plaintiff usually gathers and submits every circumstance from which the defendant could have known. If the defendant first says they didn't know and then, once the chat records appear, changes their story to "I found out partway through," the rest of their arguments become hard to believe too. So before writing your answer (답변서), it is safer to reread the entire chat history and find any expressions that could have suggested the marriage. Knowing the unfavorable parts first and preparing an explanation leads to a different result than seeing them for the first time when the other side produces them.

If you have received a complaint (소장), state in your answer, with dates and evidence, when and from what you learned of the marriage and what you did after learning. If you didn't know for part of the period and did know for another part, one option is to contest the amount limited to the period when you knew.

We also look at whether you can hold the person who deceived you separately liable. There are lower-court decisions that granted compensation for emotional harm to someone who was in a relationship with a person who hid their marriage, but outcomes differ from case to case. If you end up paying compensation, we also consider whether you can claim reimbursement (구상) from that person.

Jisan Law reads your chat history from start to finish in date order and uses the evidence to separate "the period when you didn't know" from "the point when you found out." Based on that evidence, we decide how far to contest and where to settle on the amount. A managing partner handles the consultation personally. We don't hide behind office managers or associate lawyers; we go through the material you bring from the start, together with you. We explain the fees after the consultation, once we have heard the details of the case and the scope of work.

If quite a while has passed since you received the complaint, the deadline must be checked first. Let us know right away through the chat on this page.