When you find out your spouse is having an affair

The first few days after confirming an affair are when you are most shaken. Even so, if you take the steps below in order, you won't lose out whatever you decide later.

These five things are things you can do on your own today. Whether to divorce, or to hold only the affair partner (상간자) responsible, can be decided calmly after you have done them; it won't be too late. If you reverse the order and confront them first, it is hard to take back.

• Write down in a notes app the date you found out and how. Include what you saw and what your spouse said at the time.
• Leave the material in front of you as it is, and keep separate screenshots. Make sure the date and the other person's name appear on the same screen.
• Write down everything you know about the affair partner: name, phone number, KakaoTalk ID, workplace, car plate number, even the neighborhood they live in.
• Check whether there is material that will soon be erased, such as motel or parking-lot CCTV, and if so, note the date and place separately.
• Mark on your calendar the date 3 years from the day you found out. This is the basis for the time limit on a claim against the affair partner.

Wanting to confront them and get an apology right away is natural. But early contact gives the affair partner time to delete chats and get their story straight with your spouse. It can also lead them to prepare the argument that they never knew your spouse was married.

Going to their workplace, posting on social media or telling their family can be defamation (명예훼손) even if it is true. Installing a location-tracking app on your spouse's phone, leaving a recorder in their car or secretly accessing your spouse's accounts can also be punished, and such material is hard to use as evidence. Texts containing insults will be used later when the other side files a counter-complaint or argues for a reduced amount.

• Contacting the affair partner right away
• Telling their workplace, family or social media
• Installing a location-tracking app or a recorder
• Secretly accessing your spouse's accounts
• Seeing someone else out of anger

CCTV at lodging businesses or buildings is overwritten over time. In most cases the business won't show you the footage even if you ask directly, so we consider applying to the court for evidence preservation (증거보전), specifying the date and place.

Keep the memory card from your own car's dashcam separately before it is overwritten. Taking or opening the device in someone else's car can be a separate problem.

You can claim compensation for emotional distress (위자료) from the affair partner whether or not you divorce. If you plan to stay married, we consider claiming only against the affair partner while settling the right to reimbursement (구상권) through mediation or settlement; if you have decided to divorce, we consider claiming against both your spouse and the affair partner in the family court.

If you haven't made up your mind yet, there is no need to rush. However, you cannot claim once 3 years have passed from the day you learned of the affair partner and the infidelity, and a divorce claim on the ground of infidelity cannot be made once 6 months have passed from the day you learned of it or 2 years from the day it happened (Civil Act (민법) Article 841). Keep track of these deadlines, at least.

Once you have dozens of screenshots, it gets confusing which is from when. Save them with the date at the front of the file name, like "2026-03-14 KakaoTalk," and keep them in one folder. For card or bank transactions, it's convenient to set the period in the app and download them as a PDF.

If you upload them to a cloud or shared album you use with your spouse, your spouse could see and delete them. Keep them in storage only you use. Moving material from your spouse's phone to yours can be a problem depending on how it's done, so talk with us first.

Before anyone contacts the affair partner, Jisan Law first looks at the material you have now together with you. We decide together what is already sufficient and what is missing, whether evidence preservation is needed, and whether to start with a certified letter (내용증명) or file a lawsuit right away. A managing partner handles the consultation personally. We don't hide behind office managers or associate lawyers; we go through the material you bring from the start, together with you. We explain the fees after the consultation, once we have heard the details of the case and the scope of work.

If you discover something late at night and can't sleep, you can send us a message through the chat on this page right then.