When you receive a certified letter or settlement demand over an affair

A certified letter (내용증명) is mail for which the post office certifies what document was sent and when. It has no binding force on its own. Not sending money by the deadline it states does not mean your bank account will be seized right away.

That doesn't mean you should take it lightly. It signals that the sender is preparing a lawsuit, and if you ignore it, a complaint is likely to follow. Whether or not you reply, now is the time to work out your response.

If the sender is a lawyer, it's fair to assume the lawsuit is fairly well prepared. If the plaintiff wrote it personally, it may be very emotional, so read it focusing on the demands rather than the wording.

First read the document calmly and note the following.

In particular, if there is wording about telling your workplace or family, mark it. It will be important material when deciding how to respond later.

• Whether the sender is the plaintiff personally or a lawyer
• The amount demanded and the deadline
• Whether the alleged period and nature of the relationship match the facts
• The evidence the other side says it has
• Whether there is wording about telling your workplace or family

Out of remorse, many people send a long apology saying "It's all my fault." That text is submitted as the plaintiff's evidence in the lawsuit just as it is. Conversely, a reply denying everything is also risky. If evidence comes out later, your other statements become hard to believe too.

Even if you apologize, decide the scope of the facts you are admitting and choose your words before sending. Not replying does not mean you have admitted the content, so there is no need to rush.

Also be careful with requests to talk by phone. The other person can record the call, and a recording made by a party to the conversation can be used as evidence.

Demanding money while threatening to tell your company or spouse can amount to threats (협박) or extortion (공갈) (Criminal Act (형법) Articles 283 and 350). Actually spreading it at your company or on social media can be defamation (명예훼손) even if true (Criminal Act Article 307). Keep such messages and call records rather than deleting them.

That said, it does not make your liability for the affair disappear. The response to the pressure and the compensation (위자료) issue must be handled separately. If you work at the same place, it is also important to designate a place for service and a point of contact so documents don't go to the company.

If the amount demanded is not far from what a judgment would be expected to award and ending it quietly matters to you, a settlement may be better. When settling, set out a no-further-claims clause, confidentiality and how reimbursement (구상권) will be handled, so you are not harassed again over the same matter.

If the amount demanded is excessive or the facts are different, you can also decline and contest it in a lawsuit. Either way, avoid contacting the other person's spouse separately to get your stories straight. The conversations you have now can also become evidence later.

When setting the settlement amount, also factor in the late-payment damages added if it goes to judgment and the time a lawsuit takes. Even if a judgment looks better on the amount alone, settlement can be the better choice once you consider the burden of exchanging briefs for close to a year.

If you decide to reply, keep it short and calm. Rather than a long emotional message, it is safer to stop at the following. If you have hired a lawyer, it is enough to say that further contact should go to your representative.

• That you have received the document
• That you are reviewing its content
• The point of contact going forward (yourself or your representative)
• A request not to contact your workplace or family

Sometimes the married person you had the affair with says, "I'll take care of it" or "I'll pay the settlement money." That person is also jointly liable to the plaintiff, so regardless of who actually pays, what matters is who is named as a party in the settlement agreement.

If it's settled only verbally and your name is left out of the agreement, the plaintiff may still claim against you separately later. Conversely, if you pay everything and want to recover that person's share later, you must not waive your right to reimbursement. Put in writing who pays how much and who gives up what.